Just listen

I guess I've been slacking a lot recently. I've been busy with projects and midterms and other assignments for my classes, along with working my two jobs and attempting to continue other aspects of my life as I used to. It's fun.

One of my favorite things to do (partially because I rarely have the time to do it) is to listen to music, without doing anything else. To just sit there, close my eyes, block out the world and any responsibilities I have, and to just listen. Over the years I've found some pretty good music, and a lot of it, I feel, was meant to be listened to in that way. And it's gotta be the whole album, from start to finish. I like a lot of music, but my favorites are the artists who write albums as a whole, not just a compilation of songs. Tool, The Mars Volta, Dredg, Radiohead, Porcupine Tree, and my most recently favorite The Dear Hunter. They recently release a compliation of 9 EPs title The Color Spectrum. Each EP presents a color (Black, Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue Indigo, Violet, White) and does a fantastic job at inspecting and displaying emotions very well befitting each color. If you have two and a half hours, take a listen, it's well worth it.

Here are some recent shots taken on a trip to Yosemite.

Gotta love those autumn colors

Half dome - an incredible location for hiking (as I did this past summer), photographing, or climbing (as can be seen by the light on the face of the dome)

Yosemite is one of those places that I'll keep coming back to. It's worth it. It's one of those places everyone needs to see once in their lives. I have a big list of those places, and too many of them I haven't seen yet. I guess that means I have a lot to look forward to, right?

What do you do when the biggest thing holding you back is knowing that you'll disappoint yourself?

I know, just do it. What's the worst that could happen. I try. But still, sometimes, it paralyzes me.

Just a thought.

student

Maybe it's because I've surrounded myself by my prints tonight, but I feel like a better photography student than an engineering student. I love both, and all my engineering classes are really interesting and intriguing, but recently my photography has been making me happier than school. I guess there are obvious reasons for that  - I only have homework from the engineering side of things, among other things. And especially since I've started developing more of my black and white prints, I've started to become addicted to it. I love the whole process, using an old, completely manual OM-1, developing film and enlarging prints - it makes me feel like a real photographer. I love the tactile feel of the darkroom, it's incredible. My 6-week beginners class is ending next week, but I realized tonight that I want to keep shooting film, for at least a while. It's fun, and I feel like it takes more practice than pointing and shooting, so it's kind of like a challenge for me. I might take another class, but regardless, I'm gonna keep shooting and developing.

I shot my first wedding a little while ago - what an experience! It was incredibly tiring, but extremely fulfilling and fun. I definitely want to do more in the future, so I'm glad I had this one as practice - it was unpaid and for a friend, but I still felt like I approached it relatively professionally. A good start. I got a bunch of pictures I'm happy with, but the 3rd one here might be my favorite. There's something about kids, I love capturing their untainted innocence and joy, it makes the world seem like a much brighter place.

Over the past few weeks I've come to a realization: I love almost every aspect of my life. I say almost because not everything is where or how I want it to be, but when I look at what I have in my life, it's pretty ridiculous. I'm studying at a great school, taking really interesting (for the most part) classes, fun extra-curriculars and other activities, great people to spend my time with. I still find time to go backpacking, play cello and ping pong, and do other little things that make me happy. I keep finding new music that just clicks with me, and I'm pretty consistent with my photography. Oh, and I'm still eating vegetarian and swimming 3 times a week. So far so good. I guess you could say I'm pretty grateful to be where I am right now, and wouldn't have it any other way.

Looking toward the future, I've been looking at the possibility of studying abroad next year. It definitely seems like a possibility, and I really want to travel. Yet the more I look at programs, the more I feel like they are mostly too structured for me. Today while listening to an employee from BP try to convince some mechanical engineers to apply for a job at their program I had an idea that kinda clicked with me. Playing off of a study abroad program where you do stay with a family and help teach them english part time rather than go to school, I thought I could do something like that, but on my own and bypass the many thousands of dollars that such programs ask for.

What I want to do, and something that I see as semi-possible sometime in the future, is to travel around different countries, staying with families for a couple weeks at a time. I would spend time with them, teach conversational English if desired, and work on capturing the culture of their family, city, and country with my camera. I would move from place to place, making new friends, just living and learning and shooting. It seems kinda idealistic right now, and maybe not that possible, but it feels like the thing that I want to do most right now. Too bad I still have plenty of school left. Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to have an experience somewhat like this one day, it seems kinda fun.

During a recently backpacking trip in Stanislaus National Forest, I spent some time with my fellow hikers doing some light painting. We got a little more into it than usual - here are a couple samples:

And then I tried to do some longer shots, but it got too cold and there was too much condensation on my camera to continue, but I got this 12-minute shot out before it got too bad:

(just a side note, I didn't edit any of these, they're straight from the camera as is) 

back to the beginning

Today I had my first day of a black and white film developing class. As much experience and practice I've had with photography, almost all of it has been digital, and so for a while I've wanted to learn how to work in a darkroom with film. The class is through an art studio on campus, not part of any curriculum. Anyway, it was a lot of fun, using the enlargers and learning about developer, stop, fix, etc. I'd recommend a class like this for anyone who is into photography, it gives you different perspective to editing pictures, rather than with Adobe Lightroom. (I just noticed the play on words there...)

Anyway, I've been ridiculously busy recently. I probably don't have time to write this post, but what the hell. I've learned that I need to keep doing things that I like doing, rather than the things that I "need" to do. It helps with the stress levels and general happiness. So even though I have plenty of work to do, I've been trying to take time to practice cello, process my pictures, and other small things.

Here's one of the few black and white pictures I have (originally color with my DSLR)

another summer day in Berkeley, Ca

So it was cold and foggy today, and I'm sick, so it almost feels like wintertime, except no presents.

a question

I have a question for you guys. I don't know if I expect answers or not, it's just a question that's on my mind.

What is the importance of a picture to you? What does a photo do for you? Why do people like pictures? Why are photographers needed?

I'm not sure if I have answers myself. And I guess that's more than just one question, but it still stands. I think that for the past year or so I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. In these past few decades of my life I've had so many different experiences and passions, all of which I'm extremely grateful for having experienced. But having so many things that I love doing in my life poses a question: what will I keep with me for the rest of my life, and what will I have to let go? I wish I could do everything, I wish, of course, that I could follow my childish dreams and do everything my heart desires, but practicality opposes me. And so the questions arises as to what I will do with my life. I am currently studying Mechanical Engineering, which is extremely interesting and enjoyable, but I don't know if I can see myself becoming an engineer for the rest of my life. I love music, and have recently picked up a cello for the first time in 3 years, and have tried to remember something, anything that I learned in my 8 years of practice in middle and high school. I have also recently rekindled my love of backpacking and being out in nature, and am toying with the idea of hiking the John Muir trail next summer. I've spent the past 5 years or so helping out with the youth ministry at my church, which is something I intend to keep doing. And of course, getting back to my question, I love photography. It's become more than a hobby. I skimp out on my food budget each month trying to save up some cash to buy a lens. I have to hold my self back to not spend my loan money on new equipment. I can't watch a movie anymore without thinking what focal length lens they are using for interesting shots. It has most definitely become a huge part of my life, and it's how many people define me.

But why? Why do I love it so much? Why do I want to do photography for the rest of my life? And why am I hesitant about pursuing this passion?

Actually, I don't think I am hesitant about it. I'm pretty confident that I'll take any opportunity I can to expand my skill and my portfolio. On the notice of a couple days, I flew to Texas to spend 10 days photographing a summer camp, of which some of my friends were coordinating. I'm more than happy to lug around the many extra pounds of my equipment when backpacking, just to get a few good shots. I guess I've proven to myself that I am dedicated to this hobby/passion/whatever it may be.

But I guess I'm worried about failing. Anyone these days can buy a nice camera and take some pretty sweet pictures. Looking at some of my friends, I can see in their work that they have skill, that they are serious about developing their talent, but I don't see that in my work yet. I wish I did, but I don't. I'm still hesitant to call myself a photographer, I don't feel worthy of the title yet.

I don't know exactly where I'm going with this. I think I'm looking for something. Sometimes I feel like I just shoot whatever is in front of me. I don't always have a goal or an idea of what I want to capture in a picture, I just look to frame it nicely, let my camera do a good deal of the work in exposing it properly, and hope that it will come out well. Of course it gets easier to plan and predict as you practice more, but I'm still just shooting. So I'm looking for a reason. I want to take pictures with a thought and purpose in my mind. I want to know why someone will choose to look at my picture and find meaning and value in it. That's what the purpose of pictures are - so people can view them some time in the future, and connect to something within the frame.

So I ask again: What do you look for in a picture? What do you connect to? What is something I can hold on to, something that can help guide my photography?

The Way Your Move

"I think we all were born with a song inside
But since some are born without their ears or eyes
Some learn to sing in signs

It’s in the air you breathe and the kind you exhale.
It’s in the air you breathe and the kind you hold deep inside

Are you just a dampened pile set on tumble dry?
Waiting around and round, banging heads with yourself?
Temples pulsing, this room is shaking me up tonight
Are you on your way or are you stuck in the middle?
You’ve got your dreams of breaking out, to come alive
And to fly just a little

It’s in the way you move and the times you choose to stay still
It’s in the way you move, moving more than just to fiddle

Can’t see with your eyes closed
Or talk with your mouth full
If you run in the same place
You’ll start digging a hole

Can’t hear when you’re yelling
You’re missing your turn
If you never take that jump
You’ll never learn."


I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws here, using their lyrics as my blog title. Recently I've been getting into a lighter genre of music. I'm not moving away from the good old stuff, but I'm been listening to a lot of Brett Dennen, Asper Kourt, Mumford and Songs, Jack Johnson, etc. Anyway, this stuff is pretty great. I love the feel of this song, and find the lyrics rather profound as well. No need for me to go over them, just read them over once or twice and search for it on youtube if you like. It's worth it.

I guess I started this blog because I like the idea of going somewhere. "The illusion of progress." It's almost as good as real progress. Even if I stay in Berkeley for the next year and don't go anywhere exciting, I'll still have this blog as proof that I found some interesting aspect of my life to write about each day/week/however often I end up doing this. And that makes me happy, and possibly gives more meaning to my every day life. Maybe I'll be able to see and appreciate the small things that I normally would overlook, and there are many. That makes me happy too, the idea that I'll be living and experiencing my life to a higher degree. Maybe I can open my eyes wider to the love and beauty that is already around me.

With the next handful of posts I'll try to describe and define myself for you. Maybe its for me more than it is for you, but I still think it's a good idea. And it's an excuse to do something other than my school work.

This is one of my closest friends, running off to capture the sunset with his camera. There are a good number of things I love within this picture. Let's leave it at that.

the first steps

I think it's amazing how people affect each other. You never know how much one sentence, or even one word, can impact someone else's entire outlook on life. It's happened to me, and I've seen it happen in the lives of people around me. This blog, for example was started because a friend of mine just started a blog. We talked previously about traveling and doing great things in our lives, and now that she's started documenting her's, I figured I should start sharing mine. And so here it is.

Don't have big expectations. I know I do. I expect a lot from myself, for my life. But I'm pretty horrible at sharing my experience with others - I'm one of the worse story tellers I know. So don't expect too much from this blog, I'll do what I can. That being said, I do have expectations for myself with this blog. I expect not to update it too regularly, though it can change depending on how much I get into it, and how busy my junior year at Cal is. I expect to share a picture with each new post. I expect a few people to read my posts. I expect that this blog could be a good place for me to share my thoughts and my pictures, my travels and adventures, with whoever cares to share it with me. I expect that this can be a place for people to see a little more into my life, since I've been told that I don't often allow that too much.

I expect that this is just one small step in my life, but that hopefully it will lead on to something beyond the horizon of what I can see.

So here it is, my blog. Enjoy, learn, share. Mostly just enjoy.